


Hallo-will-or-won't-they? (Or: Raris vs. Stars Hollow)

by dollsome



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 08:22:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21250343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dollsome/pseuds/dollsome
Summary: It's town meeting time in October 2017, and the good people of Stars Hollow have got questions about Rory and Paris's relationship status.





	Hallo-will-or-won't-they? (Or: Raris vs. Stars Hollow)

**Author's Note:**

> This scene has been sitting on my computer for the past year in the hopes that I would have time to write the whole story, but alas, another Halloween has almost come and gone and I didn't have time to write the whole saga!
> 
> So for now, let's call it a standalone, because I really want this nonsense to see the light of day. Town meeting banter forever!!

_ October 2017 _

“Welcome, everyone. This town meeting is now called to order. And as you know, we’ve got some very important business to discuss.”

“I don’t know, Taylor,” says Babette warily. “It feels wrong to start without Luke and Lorelai and Lane.”

“But the whole point is starting without Luke and Lorelai and Lane,” Taylor says. “That’s why we told them that the town meeting was going to start a half hour later than usual.”

“It’s pretty sketchy, Taylor,” Miss Patty says.

“That’s the word!” Babette says. “Sketchy!”

“Isn’t there enough corruption in Washington, Taylor?” Morey demands, somber.

“Morey’s very morose about the state of things nationally,” Babette explains, patting her husband’s arm. “I keep tryin’ to get him to watch that baking show with the British people and that silver fox with the blue eyes on Netflix instead, but he won’t do it! He says looking away would be irresponsible!”

“Mmm, those eyes,” Miss Patty purrs.

“Far be it from me to compliment a man,” says Gypsy, “but those are some nice eyeballs.”

“You can’t bake away the death of democracy,” Morey says resolutely.

“Not this again, people!” Taylor huffs. “I thought we agreed to keep our myriad political sorrows to ourselves so that the meetings can maintain some semblance of order. And we_ definitely _agreed that there would be no more Paul Hollywood lusting.”

“Boo,” says Miss Patty.

“Come to think of it,” Andrew pipes up, “stifling the voices of Luke and Lorelai and Lane feels a lot like the way democracy dies.”

“Really now!” Taylor says. “You know that Luke and Lorelai and Lane would take the topic of tonight’s meeting, er, the wrong way.”

“Is there a right way to take it?” huffs Miss Patty, who still looks a little grumpy over the Paul Hollywood censorship.

Taylor sighs impatiently. “Very well. Anyone who feels like we’re crossing a line by discussing the topic that we’re going to discuss tonight, well, you can leave now.”

A few guilty looks are exchanged, but everyone stays in their seats.

“Good. Now that we’ve got that out of the way.” Taylor clears his throat, grabs something big and flat and unmistakably visual aid-ish, and props it up on the easel beside his podium. It says, in huge, severe red letters:

** _IS LORELAI ‘RORY’ LEIGH GILMORE A LESBIAN NOW?_ **

Taylor points to the word ‘LESBIAN’ with a yardstick.

“That looks professionally done,” accuses Gypsy.

“I may have put together a few things on Shutterfly,” Taylor replies with great aloofness.

“Oh, Taylor,” Miss Patty says sorrowfully.

“Now, I couldn’t figure out how to make a proper series of enlarged photographs for evidence, so I had to order it in extra large 2018 calendar form instead. Let’s refer to January as ‘Exhibit A.’”

He flips the calendar open. The top half has a few pictures of Rory and Paris together, surrounded by many a piece of New Year’s-themed clip art. On the bottom is the month of January.

“Where’d you get the pictures, Taylor?” Babette barks.

“For your information, Rory and I are Facebook friends,” Taylor says with a sniff. “These were all fairly and ethically obtained.”

“If Rory sees this,” Gypsy says, with an expression of vague horror, “I don’t think you’ll be Facebook friends anymore.”

“Be that as it may,” Taylor says, “the time is now for us to figure out what we believe as a community about this issue. Rory and young Emma will be in Stars Hollow for Halloween to go trick-or-treating. Coming with her will be Paris Geller and her children, Gabriela and Timoteo McMaster-Geller. I assume we’ll call them Gabby and Tim for short.”

“I don’t think she’d want you calling them anything,” Gypsy says.

Taylor presses on. “What, exactly, is the nature of Rory and Paris’s relationship? This is the question that’s plagued Stars Hollow for the past year. The facts are as follows: Emma’s father isn’t in the picture full time, because—from what I could glean from Facebook and general town gossip—he lives in London. According to Facebook, he’s single. Not only that, but he’s an unusually good-looking fellow. We’re talking extraordinary levels of handsomeness. The Great British Baking Show’s own Paul Hollywood would be threatened by this young man.”

“The real title is The Great British Bake-Off,” Kirk says. He and Lulu are big Great British Bake-Off fans, and therefore purists.

“We didn’t win the Revolutionary War to call shows by the names given to them by our oppressors, now, did we?” Taylor says.

“Oh boy,” says Gypsy.

“Taylor, get back to describing how unbelievably handsome Rory’s baby daddy is, will you?” Miss Patty urges.

Taylor frowns. “When you say it like that, it sounds strange.”

Everyone affirms this by staring pointedly at him.

“There was a point to my praise, I’ll have you all know!” Taylor says defensively. “If the father of Rory’s child is single _ and _ what some might call mind-bendingly attractive, then why isn’t she—as the kids say—breaking off a piece of _ that _Kit Kat Bar on the regular?”

“And now America and Kit Kats are ruined,” Morey mutters gloomily.

“Down the toilet,” Babette agrees.

“I don’t think anybody says that, Taylor,” Andrew says. “Especially not the kids.”

“Could it be,” Taylor presses on valiantly, speaking louder, “that Rory isn’t interested in her former beau because she’s since realized that she prefers the finer sex? Specifically, the charms of one Paris Eustace Geller, the woman she’s lived with since she left Stars Hollow last fall to return to a hip and fancy-free New York lifestyle? Not to mention the woman she’s been raising Emma Leigh Huntzberger Gilmore with since that sweet little angel was pushed from our Rory’s loins and into the world.”

There’s a general outcry of agony.

“Just say ‘born’, Taylor,” Miss Patty urges. “_Please. _”

Taylor, unbothered, flips the calendar to February. Upon a background covered in a nauseating (even by Stars Hollow’s aesthetic standards) amount of pink, red, and purple hearts, there’s a picture of Rory and Paris laughing together on a beach, bright blue sky and ocean behind them, their hair tousled by the breeze. It _ is _ pretty romantic, like a stock photograph of the perfect two-woman couple.

“Consider,” Taylor orders, “this apparently candid photograph that Lorelai took this summer while she, Luke, Rory, Paris, and their gaggle of assorted children were visiting Emily Gilmore in Nantucket. What is that, ladies and gentlemen, if not the look of same-sex love?”

“But what if they’re just friends?” Babette counters. “Two girls, best friends since high school, livin’ together, raisin’ their kiddos together—it sounds like a great show!”

“I would watch it!” Lulu says.

“And _ that_,” Taylor declares, “is the challenge we face today, fine people of Stars Hollow. How do we tactfully find out if Rory’s changed teams after three decades of undeniably disastrous taste in men?”

“We could ask her,” Kirk suggests.

“Really, Kirk,” Taylor says, huffing in exasperation.

“Actually, that’s a good idea,” Miss Patty says, sounding both impressed and baffled.

“It’s just crazy enough to work!” Babette says.

“Sensible,” Morey contributes.

“Good job, Kirk!” Gypsy says. Under her breath, she adds, “For once.”

Taylor frowns and crosses his arms, rankled as ever by Kirk getting praise. “Fine. What do you all suggest we do? Wait until she gets here, and then ask, ‘Welcome home, Rory; is that young lady with the stylish haircut your paramour?’”

“That did sound a little awkward,” Miss Patty admits.

“Never put ‘paramour’ in a sentence that you say to other human beings,” Andrew advises.

“I don’t know if Paris would take kindly to it even if we _ didn’t _ say ‘paramour’,” Miss Patty says. “That girl is _ very _ high strung.”

“Maybe we should just observe how they act together on the downlow,” Babette suggests. “Morey and me are right next door. We’ll keep an eye out for any secret smoochin’.”

“For sure,” says Morey.

“Taylor, you don’t need to trust these—no offense—total amateurs,” Kirk interjects. “I’ve seen all one hundred and twenty episodes of Elementary and have my online private eye certification from SoYouWantToSleuthLikeSherlock.Net. I’ve got this covered.”

“Well, there’s no way that could go wrong,” Gypsy mutters.

“Definitely not,” Lulu agrees, smiling at Kirk with perfect sincerity.

“Fine,” Taylor says, exasperated. “I have to say, this went much less productively than I’d hoped, but I suppose this plan will have to do. All in favor of observing the Rory-Paris dynamic from afar and meeting again this time next week to discuss our findings?”

“Aye,” says everyone with varying degrees of enthusiasm.

“Very good. Now, since we’re already here discussing sensitive information,” Taylor goes on, “we might as well tackle another hot button issue. Are Lane, Zach, and Brian a three-person couple, a.k.a. ‘throuple’—?”

“Uh, Taylor,” Lorelai says, stepping into the dance studio with her hands full of snacks, “what the hell are you doing?”

Luke follows behind her, carrying a party-sized bag of chips.

“You’re early,” Taylor says, going full deer-in-the-headlights.

“You’re welcome,” Lorelai says brusquely. “Now, why do you have a giant, heart-covered calendar with a picture of my kid on it up there?” She gestures with her bag of Twizzlers.

“Moving on to other matters—” Taylor says, trying to gather the calendar from the easel.

“Should I wrestle him for it?” Luke asks Lorelai.

“Please do,” Lorelai says.

Luke hands Lorelai the chips he’s holding, obligingly goes to the front of the dance studio, and wrestles the calendar out of Taylor’s grip without too much trouble. When he reads the text on the front of the calendar, his eyes bulge. “What the hell is this?”

“We just want answers about the love life of one of our most beloved citizens! Surely you can understand that!”

“I really can’t, Taylor!” Lorelai yelps.

“Well, maybe you’d like to put an end to the speculation and just tell us.” Taylor puts his hands on his hips. “Exactly what is the nature of Rory and Paris’s relationship?”

“That—is none of your business!” Lorelai sputters. “In fact, we don’t have to stay here and listen to this. You’ll just have to wait for our opinions on painting the playground equipment until next time—and oh, they’re good opinions.”

“_Great _ opinions,” Luke chimes in.

Lorelai shoves the snacks into Luke’s arms so she can brandish a finger at the town meeting attendees. “You’re all missing out, so just let that sink in. Luke, let’s go!”

“We’re going,” Luke says staunchly.

They storm out together.

The dance studio is completely silent for ten seconds.

“I vote throuple,” says Kirk then.

“I vote couple and their very sad, single friend,” Gypsy says.

“Couple and their very sad, single friend who?” Brian asks, choosing that very moment to step into the studio with Lane and Zach.

“Luke and Lorelai and Kirk,” Taylor blurts out.

“While I haven’t technically been single since 2004,” Kirk says, “I understand it, and I’ll allow it.”

“If the very sad, single shoe fits!” Babette chirps. Then she adds, “Sorry, Lulu.”

“No worries,” says Lulu cheerily.

“What did you guys do to Luke and Lorelai?” Lane asks, looking behind her out into the town square.

“They looked pissed,” Zach says. “You didn’t finally tell them to cool it with the Paul Anka costumes, did you? I thought we agreed we were gonna keep the fact that it’s totally lame between us.”

“Ah, Lane, Zach, Brian, come on!” Taylor says merrily. “Are you ready to talk about painting playground equipment? Which is, it goes without saying, all we’ve been talking about this whole time?”

“Sure,” Brian says. He grins, pleased, at Lane and Zach. “Everybody’s so friendly tonight.”


End file.
